so i should be delighted and excited that i just got to vote for obama. i expected to be. and i am in moments. but mostly all i can think about today, and be terribly depressed by, is the firing of brooke smith by /grey's anatomy/
at the behest of ABC network execs who apparently felt that gayness is just too icky to be allowed on the tv.
it might seem stupid to a lot of people to be this upset over a tv show, but i really care about lesbian/bi representation on tv. tv representation is what changes people's attitudes; i give ellen huge props for the strides in gay rights and tolerance in the last ten years. and the grey's thing is horribly depressing to me, because they had seemed to be taking it seriously. there were some annoying things about the storyline, but they were devoting lots of episode time to it and the actresses were doing a good job and in general it seemed like finally, finally, there might be representation on network tv that i could enjoy and identify with. and to top it off, the network's decision was so abrupt that the showrunner didn't actually write the character out of the show; apparently she just disappears. so just to make everything worse, the killing of the gay storyline was done incredibly clumsily and fast, which makes it feel like even more of slap in the face to gay america.
you know what? i'm really tired of being slapped in the face. i find such reminders that i'm basically a second-class citizen really upsetting. i don't understand why the existence of people like me is so disgusting and scary that it can't be reflected on tv unless it's by scantily clad bimbos on showtime. i hate that i care so much about gay representation and can't help it, and that i couldn't help hoping that this time it would be different. i hate the show for explicitely promising the gay audience that they would treat this with respect and at length, and then buckling in to pressure from network homophobes. i hate ABC and disney for being such massive douchebags. i hate straight homophobes for being such arrogant, preening, cowardly little jerks about people who are different from them. the gay marriage ban will probably pass today. those of you who aren't queer... do you have any idea how hard it is sometimes to remain optimistic and non-hatey? it sucks.
yeah. i'm really, really depressed about the grey's thing. i wish i didn't care, and didn't feel like crying over a stupid tv show, and could just resign myself to my status among the discriminated-against. and i should be happy and excited today, on this amazingly historic day, and i hate that i'm not.